Chuck Norris

deedubyas · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 4:24 pm Post subject: Chuck Norris

Behind Chuck Norris's beard, is a FIST.

When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, Chuck Norris does not get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies, he potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.
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nirvanaautopilot · Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 1:11 pm Post subject:

Chuck Norris's wife once burnt a turkey at Thanksgiving. Chuck said that there was no problem and went outside. 5 Minutes later, he came inside with a live turkey. He swallowed it whole, then threw it up fully cooked with cranberry sauce. His wife was amazed and asked him how he did it, and was immediately roundhouse kicked in the face. He then bellowed " Don't question Chuck Norris!"

Think of a beautiful woman... Chuck Norris has done her..twice.

Chuck Norris once impreginated an entire covenant of nuns. They gave birth to the 1972 Miami dolphins, the only undefeated team in NFL history.

TRIB · Lion King Joined: 18 Jan 2004 Posts: 1242 Location: AZ

Chuck Norris once got into a staring contest with the sun. He won.

deedubyas · Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 10:48 am Post subject:

according to the theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris does not shave, he kicks himself in the face. Nobody can cut Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

When Chuck Norris was born, the aiding nurse screamed, "Oh my God, that's Chuck Norris!" and he proceeded to have sex with her. That was the third woman he had had sex with. That day.
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drimminkevin · Tadpole Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 20

Chuck Norris does not sleep...he waits.

Every night before the Boogie Man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

When David Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Q: What goes thru every mans head before Chuck Norris killes them?

A: His shoe

Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane with his finger by yelling bang.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was Charles, Chuck Norris simply starred at him until he exploded.

Q: How many Chuck Norris's does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None....Chuck Norris Prefers to kill in the dark.

drumma1234 · Tadpole Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 18

Mr. T, Vin Deisel, and Chuck Norris all went to heaven. There was a table with two chairs. In one of them sat God.

"I can only let one of you sit in the other chair," said God.

Vin walks up and says, "I'm bald, so you should let me sit in the chair." "Good point," says God.

Mr. T walks up and says, "I have a mohawk, so you should let me sit in the chair." " "That's also a good point," says God.

Chuck Norris walks up to God and says, "You're in my chair."

DRUMMERNUT · Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 11:00 pm Post subject:

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

styles2281 · Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 4:42 am Post subject:

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. Laughing

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
Razz

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"One day I feel I'm on top of the world
"I'm not dumb, I just have a command of thoroughly useless information" - Calvin of Bill Waterson's "Calvin and Hobbes"

MadDrumStix · Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 1:07 pm Post subject:

Cant you guys make up your own jokes instead of taking them from that website?
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nutty_bar · Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 2:17 pm Post subject:

DRUMMERNUT · Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 2:37 pm Post subject:

deedubyas · Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 3:36 pm Post subject:

MadDrumStix · Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 3:41 pm Post subject:

Ok.... I will try! it will suck but... here we go...

Chuck Norris blew out the light at the end of the tunnel with his argillacious wrath!
Very Happy

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blu_kobra · Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 8:25 pm Post subject:

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a sheep and killed it. Then, he rubbed his beard on the sheep and brought it back to life. Then he pulled another roundhouse kick and owned the sheep again.
Chuck did this to serve as a warning, The good chuck giveth and the good chuck taketh away.
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"It's a wonder how long these words have meant nothing"

MadDrumStix · Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 10:40 pm Post subject:

You guys cant make your own junk can you! Its ok, they are still funny the second time around.
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